I have discovered the secret to playing piano really well. Like all truths, it’s ridiculously simple: learn the fingering, then put yourself on a metronome for the rest of your life, if needed. That’s it. Do this and the glories of fine piano playing await.
For you uninitiated out there–a metronome is a clever and diabolical (according to many, no doubt) device that spits out a regular tempo of any velocity you want in beats per minute, aka ‘bpm.’ You want eighty-two beats per minute? It will give you eighty-two beats per minute for all eternity. It’s like a dog whose sole mission is to retrieve a stick–all it lives for is to tap out the pulse with tinny, robotic precision.
I have of late put myself on a strict metronome diet, and I love it. But that’s boring, frankly. Who cares if I love the metronome? What I want to share is other people’s feelings about the metronome, and I now unexpectedly have a huge amount of data on that. Because I live with two other people–the Wife and Daughter Units–who don’t share my new-found passion for playing duets with the metronome, out of consideration for their sanity–let’s keep it real here–I use headphones with my Android. It turns out, and you just gotta’ love Youtube, that you can get any metronome setting on Youtube.
Yeah, you heard me. Any time setting. I know, I know–I was pretty blown away by this revelation as well. You want ninety-six beats per minute? You got it. Yours. Done deal. One hundred three? Easy–it’s right there online. After my initial excitement subsided, my next thought ran along these lines: Then that means that there are people out there who have nothing else to do but create many long videos of metronome tracks. It’s useful to me (so thank you, metronome track creators, whoever you are!), but it also seems kind of sad. Is this something you would share at work on a Monday morning? “Skydiving, eh? Well I created a totally bombtastsic recording of ninety-four beats per minute and put it right up there on Youtube!” These people may well not have many friends.
These metronomic videos do get views, however, and this is where it gets interesting (in case you were wondering when that moment was coming in this post). Eighty-eight beats per minute presently has 23,276 views. Ninety-six has 3,969. One hundred-one has only 76, though one hundred has 538,135. Now here’s the curious thing: 543 viewers like one hundred bpm with a thumbs up; 68 give it a solid thumbs down.
People do have strong opinions about…everything, seemingly. Including metronome markings. Of 308,667 views of eighty bpm, 287 simply adore it! 28 scorn it. Boo on eighty bpm! Where does this come from?
Am I missing something here? There are people for whom music creates specific and real colors in their minds. It’s called ‘chromesthesia,’ and it’s rare, but it’s real. Perhaps there’s a parallel condition in which beats per minute trigger involuntary emotional responses. “I just get so sad when I hear ninety-seven bpm–I don’t know why–but ninety-eight is a real picker-upper!”
Or perhaps these viewers are just pulling our legs and are only too happy to have a chance to officially weigh with an opinion on the non-issue of one hundred-nine bpm…it sounds like something I would do, in fact…
I think I have just found a new hobby.
K-blog 
Hi, Kevin,
There are also metronome apps! Inspired by your post, I just did some online research and discovered all sorts of fancy items. The problem is, I am challenged enough as it is just trying to learn to play the piano with some semblance of correct rhythm, without tackling the additional features these various apps offer – e.g., slowly increasing or decreasing the speed, turning the sound off and showing the beats only visually, customizing the sound (I like the cowbell). You can also use it to improve your golf swing or running stride! For now, I’m just going to concentrate on trying to hit the right notes.
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Nancy–I think simply trying to hit the right notes is an admirable goal. I had a metronome app on my iPhone which worked great, but the app I got for the Android didn’t work well. As for bells and whistles you get with the app, well–they’re just bells and whistles, literally. I found the extra stuff distracting–just give me a regular, no-frills beat, thank you. And I saw the app that encourages you to use it for your golf swing and for your running stride. I don’t know anything about golf, nor do I run, but it sure looked to me like they were reaching really far to find some other fantastical uses for their metronome app. Ultimately, it’s a metronome–it gives you a beat for your practice. End of story! Good to hear from you, and good luck with your own piano pursuits–!
Kevin
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