I have noticed a trend in our Great Society, a trend that frankly is disturbing in a number of ways. This morning I was in a classroom of third graders. One of the kids had a birthday recently, so it was time to acknowledge this Momentous Event, and I am proud that I held my tongue and did not call out something droll like, “Enjoy this while you can–you’ll have a different attitude about birthdays when you hit fifty!” or, “Birthdays–phaw! Overrated!” I didn’t say anything like that, mostly because the birthday girl is a real sweetheart, and that’s the main reason I held my tongue…I don’t get invited to kids’ parties much…
Anyway, back on topic. The teacher led the class in the obligatory singing of the Birthday Song, and I mentally cringed, preparing for what I knew was imminent. And I’m not talking about kids singing off key, which is an unavoidable reality, or the curious fact that this song is typically sung in the key of F, naturally, without planning–I read that somewhere–I don’t know if it’s true, and I never remember to check at the end of the singing.
What I’m talking about is the egregious and unfortunate interpolation of the phrase, ‘cha cha cha’ at the end of every line. Does this seriously add to the enjoyment value of the song? Does this song need gussying up? It’s a perfectly fine song, short and sweet and to the point. When you add the cha-thing, it throws off the rhythm and timing of the song. It just doesn’t work so well with blasted cha cha’s. Get rid of ’em, I say. Not needed. If the song must be sung, then sing it right, and let’s get on with eating the cake from Costco with way too much frosting.
Parents need to take a stand on this, but I’m willing to do the dirty work here. I feel that strongly about it. I’ll visit any birthday party, anywhere, for kid or grownup. Doesn’t matter. Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there. When it’s time to sing the song, I’ll step forward. “Never mind who I am,” I’ll say. “Name’s irrelevant. First, young girl wearing birthday tiara, you won’t look so cheery forty-seven years from today. Birthdays are overrated, but I suppose this wisdom is lost on three-year-olds, so never mind that. Now, for the song, here is the pitch. (I’ll blow a note on my pitchpipe). Note the pitch and observe it, seriously. Listen to each other, for godsake. No John Cage allowed, no singing off pitch because you think it’s ‘funny.’ ON PITCH. Here’s the starting note one more time. (I blow.) And finally, and this is important: there will be no cha cha cha’s. You understand? No cha cha cha’s. You–the kid with the funny hair, by the gift table–you look like a real comedian. We’re not doing the cha cha cha’s–got it? Okay, what are we not doing?…That’s right. The cha cha cha’s–we’re not doing those. Okay, deep breath, I’ll bring you in.”
I’m not even sure the cha cha’s are legal. Seriously. There’s a copyright still held on this song. Warner/Chappell Music claims it, though apparently the Legal Suits at Warner will allow small groups of friends and family to sing at private gatherings (aka ‘birthday parties’) so long as there is no financial profit involved. Their magnanimity has no equal.
Fellow Citizens, I encourage you to rethink your stand on this issue. You will be at another birthday party sooner or later, and you can take action to correct this trend, which seems to be outlasting even such standout trends as twerking. I call on you to do the right thing for our culture, our society, our children.
K-blog 